Dear People of my Facebook

Dear friend of mine, sweet friend of mine, naive friend of mine ... Yes that's great that your boyfriend at 4 months of dating proposed and now at 8 months of dating (halfway across the country long distance) is moving to you and moving in but seriously?  Also he has a name ... use it!  We know you're engaged you don't need to call him your fiance every. single. time. you refer to him.

Dear 50+ year old mom ... You're 50+ you should NOT be wearing clothes from the juniors section.  Especially those clothes, trendy does not mean wear every single trend at once.  Plus you made it really really obvious which of your children you prefer.  STOP it!  It's plain as day and just darn mean.
Dear person I know trying to change jobs ... I'm pretty sure your grammar is not helping your pleas.  It's "some" not "sum".  Is it really that difficult to type "be" and not "b"?  "Cuz" is so early 2000 get with it and grow up please.  None of this makes you sound like a functioning adult.

Dear vaguely cryptic friend ... We all know you're trying to garner attention and it's not going to work.  At least on me it's not.  So you can just stop it now.  P.S. I might not ask but you bet I will religiously stalk your Facebook page in the hopes that you will spill your guts even though I know you probably won't.

Dear compulsive meme sharing friends ... We get you believe in X, you love Y, and you think that you're Z but seriously do you have to share 50 million memes about it every day?  Nope you don't.  Also you might want to rethink some of those since I know you aren't that type of person, 50+ mom I'm looking at you.

Sleep tight people of my Facebook I cannot wait to enjoy your craziness next week : )

  1. This is hysterical! I am pretty sure I have more than one person in each of those categories! Love it! I especially love the vaguely cryptic friend...hahaha

  2. We must have the same facebook friends. My aunt is the cryptic person and once when I knew she was talking about me I posted a comment calling her out on it. Of course she acted dumb about it. I just laugh at how stupid people are sometimes.

  3. Hilarious! I've seen all all of these types of people on FB and more!

  4. Ah, Vaguebook. Always a joy.
    Your poor friend....I have been there (cringing just recalling it) and that kind of romance never ends well.

  5. OH HOLLA! This post won the Facebook rant battle! I hate this "Cuz" thing, seriously!

  6. Hilarious!! I especially love the one about people posting cryptic messages to get attention, but we all secretly love that they spill stuff on fb:)